What About Ex-Ex-Gays? | Ask Dr. Brown

Contents:

• FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY
• ‘EX-GAY’ MEN FIGHT BACK AGAST VIEW THAT HOMOSEXUALY CAN’T BE CHANGED
• WHAT ABOUT EX-EX-GAYS?
• WHY ARE HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS SO AAID OF “EX-GAYS”?
• EX-GAY IS HERE TO STAY
• EX-GAYS SCEND UPON D.C. TO LOBBY AGAST LGBTQ RIGHTS
• DEFINITIONS FOR EX-GAY MOVEMENTEX-GAY MOVE·MENT
• SYNONYMS FOR EX-EX-GAYEX-EX-GAY
• TOM HOLLAND’S THE CROWD ROOM GAY SEX SCENE SPARKS APPALLG HOMOPHOBIC BACKLASH

FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY

In one episo of the Will & Grace reboot, Grace remarks at the oddy of observg Will ok breakfast for his ex-partner, Vce, who has jt shared the news of his engagement: "It always amaz me how gay guys stay iends wh all of their ex. It's a movement that's born out of a larger culture of homophobia and transphobia that still persists the majory of Christian church today. It wasn't until the suici of his iend, who was also part of the "ex-gay" movement, that he reevaluated everythg.

Interview highlights clu extend web-only answers and have been eded for length and clary: Interview Highlights Thomas on how he joed the "ex-gay" movement and Exod Internatnal I was out of the closet the '80s. They also had a group for the gays, and unrneath all of that olns there was this toxic theology that said that you need to overe homosexualy. Stolakis on what the ex-gay and nversn therapy movement looks like today Conversn therapy and the ex-LGBTQ movement has always been practiced lolly.

‘EX-GAY’ MEN FIGHT BACK AGAST VIEW THAT HOMOSEXUALY CAN’T BE CHANGED

It's bee very lennial-driven bee there are younger people who've grown up homophobic and transphobic environments who are ready and willg to take the place of people like Randy.

He spent 17 years a doomed marriage while battlg his urg all day, he said, and dreamg about them all recent years, as he probed his childhood unselg and at men’s weekend retreats wh nam like People Can Change and Journey Into Manhood, “my homosexual feelgs have nearly vanished, ” Mr. Smh is one of thoands of men across the untry, often known as “ex-gay, ” who believe they have changed their most basic sexual sir through some batn of therapy and prayer — somethg most scientists say has never been proved possible and is likely an men are often closeted, fearg ridicule om gay advot who acce them of self-ceptn and, at the same time, fearg rejectn by their church muni as tated oddi. Jerry Brown signed a law banng e of wily discreded sexual “nversn therapi” for mors — an asslt on their own validy, some ex-gay men feel.

”But many ex-gays have ntued to seek help om such therapists and men’s retreats, sayg their own experience is proof enough that the treatment n Bzer, 35, was so angered by the California ban, which will take effect on Jan. He was tormented as a Christian teenager by his homosexual attractns, but now, after men’s retreats and an onle urse of reparative therapy, he says he feels glimmers of attractn for women and is thkg about datg. Bzer, who plans to seek a doctorate psychology and bee a therapist ex-gays guard their secret but quietly meet support groups around the untry, sharg ias on how to avoid temptatns or, perhaps, broach their past wh a female date.

WHAT ABOUT EX-EX-GAYS?

Whether they have gone through formal reparative therapy, most ex-gays agree wh s tes, even as they are rejected by mastream scientists. The theori, which have also been adopted by nservative relig opponents of gay marriage, hold that male homosexualy emerg om fay dynamics — often a distant father and an overbearg mother — or om early sexual abe.

Spzer, publicly repudiated as valid his own 2001 study suggtg that some people uld change their sexual orientatn; the study had been wily ced by fenrs of the this summer, the ex-gay world was nvulsed when Alan Chambers, the print of Exod Internatnal, the largt Christian mistry for people fightg same-sex attractn, said he did not believe anyone uld be rid of homosexual Nilosi, a psychologist and clil director of the Thomas Aquas Psychologil Clic Enco, Calif., which he scrib as the largt reparative therapy clic the world, disagreed. “I believe that all people are heterosexual but that some have a homosexual problem, and some of the people attempt to rolve their nflict by adoptg a socpolil label lled ‘gay. Nilosi said, many patients fd their homosexual urg S., 34, a rporate ntract officer Dallas, says he is among them.

Jeremy, who did not want his last name prted to avoid embarrassg his parents, said that om his teens until three years ago he lived as a gay man, at tim havg sex almost daily. Crics like Wayne Ben, the executive director of Tth Ws Out, which fights antigay bias, liken such therapy to fah healg, wh apparent effects that later fa also pot out that the failur of such therapy are seldom reported.

WHY ARE HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS SO AAID OF “EX-GAYS”?

Swaim is unemployed and liv wh his parents Orange County, Calif., where his father is a pastor of the Evangelil Friends Church of the tried the gay life, but “ jt don’t settle wh me, ” he said, and ultimately cid “there’s got to be a way to heal this afflictn. A versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn A, Page 16 of the New York edn wh the headle: ‘Ex-Gay’ Men Fight Back Agast View That Homosexualy Can’t Be Changed. 18 Typ of Sex All Gay Men Should Have Their LifetimeThere are so many different ways guys have sex wh each other.

There's a lot between the two extrem of makg love to the man of your life, and havg a rnchy, anonymo hookup a here are 18 typ of sex all gay/bi men should experience (at least once) at some pot their liv!

While speakg Sgapore at a semar sponsored by Foc on the Fay, I was asked the qutn: What about ex-ex-gays?

EX-GAY IS HERE TO STAY

This past July, Time magaze ran a story entled, "9 Ex-Lears of the Gay Conversn Therapy Movement Apologize.

" The article stated that, "Former members of anizatns that advoted therapy to 'cure' homosexualy have joed LGBT groups rejectg the ncept.

Last year, John Plk, formerly a very proment ex-gay married to his ex-gay wife, Anne, went back to his gay liftyle after 15 years of marriage.

EX-GAYS SCEND UPON D.C. TO LOBBY AGAST LGBTQ RIGHTS

First, for every well-known ex-ex-gay, there are 10 or 100 or 1, 000 unknown ex-gays—meang people who formerly lived as homosexuals but no longer do.

The people are, by and large, not volved wh ex-gay mistri and have nothg to prove by their stori and nothg to ga fancially.

Send, the term "ex-gay" has lots of different meangs (some lears like the term, while others don't), rangg om, "I ed to be volved same-sex relatnships, and I am no longer am, " to, "My romantic and sexual sir have changed om homosexual to heterosexual, " along wh everythg between. I know some ex-gays who are thrilled to be ee om their old liftyl spe the fact that they have not bee heterosexual, and they are overflowg wh ntentment, livg for God as celibate sgl.

DEFINITIONS FOR EX-GAY MOVEMENTEX-GAY MOVE·MENT

I know others who, through unselg or a ep spirual enunter wh the Lord, lerally went om homosexual to heterosexual (this is more mon than you might realize), and they have lived like this for s now. The only fully documented, book-length, longudal study of the qutn of ex-gays, entled Ex-Gays?, by Stanton Jon and Mark Yarhoe, me to very posive nclns, spe beg ridiculed by gay activists.

SYNONYMS FOR EX-EX-GAYEX-EX-GAY

Fourth, plenty of people are not happy livg as homosexuals, be bee of their spirual nvictns or bee of relatnal or health issu. Do we tell them, "Hey, there's no reason for you to thk about changg, sce there are proment ex-ex-gays sayg that change is impossible"? But if we foc on changg someone om homosexualy to heterosexualy rather than om homosexualy to hols, there is the possibily of great tratn and even disappotment and backslidg.

Sixth, human nature is ail and homosexual attractns are often very eply rooted, to the pot that people believe they were actually born gay. That's why we mt jo together grace and tth when reachg out to those who intify as gay or lbian, monstratg passn and longsufferg whout promisg the tth of the gospel. The bottom le is that homosexual practice, unr all circumstanc, is sful, and nothg n possibly change that fact, but is equally te that there is liberty and new life J, and those willg to take up the cross and follow Him will never need to look back.

TOM HOLLAND’S THE CROWD ROOM GAY SEX SCENE SPARKS APPALLG HOMOPHOBIC BACKLASH

Sce I expect gay bloggers and ex-ex-gays to rpond to this article crilly, if you are one of the many who, by God's grace, have e out of homosexualy, please take a moment to rpond here as well. If you are stgglg wh gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr feelgs, you need to know that there are lns of who have shared your journey. If you're gay or thk you might be gay, you don't have to allow yourself to be reced to a simulated heterosexual liftyle.

The 19th century wrer Osr Wil is revered by many the gay and lbian muny but, believe me, if he were alive now, he’d be totally exasperated wh the whg, hysteril malntents who domate today’s gay lobby. Homophile propagandists jealoly protect a very important secret — homosexual people n leave their liftyle.