What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY?
• WHAT ’S REALLY LIKE TO GROW UP GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYROSENDALETRACK 5 ON THE STAG OF GRIEF PRODUCED BYROSENDALEJUN. 5, 20201 VIEWER1 CONTRIBUTORTHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY LYRICSWHEN I WAS YOUNG I FELT LONELYI THOUGHT I’D NEVER FD SOMEBODY ELSE LIKE MEIN A PLAYGROUND FULL OF BIG BULLI“YOU SHOULD GO AND HANG OUT WH THE GIRLS” THEY TEASEDLTLE JOK AND SILLY NAMIT’S ALL FUN AND GAMBUT NOW I’M AT THE BAR WH ALL OF MY GOOD MATAND ONE OF THEM ASKS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYSO I SAYPEOPLE STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSAND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ONLY HALF A MANSTRANGERS FLASH YOU CROOKED STHAT’S WHY I DON’T GET OUT FOR MORE THAN JT A WHILEPEOPLE MOCK AND PEOPLE SHAME’CSE THEY THK I’M STRANGEBUT I PICK THE PIEC UP AND JT MOVE ONSOMEHOW I FD THE PATIENCE TO KEEP ME STRONGNOW WHEN I TURN ON THE TVIT’S RABOW CLOUDS AND AND RABOW CROWDS ACROSS THE SCREENBUT I HAVE NEVER FOUND MY PEACEMY HIDN SRS AND TROUBLED HEART TOOK OVER MEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKEYOU DON’T KNOW WHAT FEELS LIKETO CRY OUT YOUR EYAT 4 THE MORNG WHEN NOBODY’S AROUNDAND YOU N FALLY SCREAM OUT LOUD AND PROUD‘CSE PEOPLE STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSAND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ONLY HALF A MANSTRANGERS FLASH YOU JUDGY EYTHAT’S WHY I DON’T GET OUT FOR MORE THAN JT A WHILEWHEN YOU WERE YOUNG YOU MA BIG PLANSBUT THEY THK YOU’RE DAMNEDSO YOU LET THE TOUGH GUYS TROLL, THE HATERS HATE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYYOU MIGHT HAVE CLICKED THIS SONG‘CSE YOU THOUGHT ’D BE HAPPYTHOUGHT YOU’D GET A LGHTHOUGHT ’D BE AMGWELL I’M HERE TO TELL LIKE ISBUT I STILL HOPE AND I STILL PRAYSOMEDAY THGS WILL CHANGETHAT LTLE BOY ALL ALONE ON THE PLAYGROUNDCOULD REALLY CHEER UP IF HE HEARD THIS SONG‘CSE ONE DAYPEOPLE WON’T STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSTHEY’LL LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU LOVE ANOTHER MANYOU’LL PUT ON YOUR OWN BIG SEAND SPREAD ACROSS THE WORLD FOR A LN YOU’LL HOLD ON TO YOUR BIG PLANSAND YOU’LL UNRSTANDYOU HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEEDTO MAKE A CHANGEAND SHOW THE WHOLE WORLD WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYTHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYOH OH‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYEMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUTHAVE THE SI SOP ON THIS SONG?SIGN UP AND DROP SOME KNOWLEDGESTART THE SONG BASK A QUTN ABOUT THIS SONGASK A QUTN *‌WHO PRODUCED “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY” BY ROSENDALE?WHEN DID ROSENDALE RELEASE “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY”?WHO WROTE “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY” BY ROSENDALE?THE STAG OF GRIEF (2021)ROSENDALE1. I GUS ’S NOT YOU2. DID I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH3. BOYS FEEL SAD TOO4. TEARS DON’T LIE5. THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY6. WEIRD KID7. TWO HEARTS8. GOODBYE, SAN ANCIS9. LAST SONG10. THE NEIGHBORS11. PAPA12. TWO FACED13. OPPOSE SIS14. SHAMPOO15. TELL MYSELF16. NEW NORMAL17. HAPPYCREDSPRODUCED BYROSENDALEWRTEN BYROSENDALERELEASE DATEJUNE 5, 2020TAGSPOPEXPAND COMMENTSADD A MENTSIGN UP AND DROP KNOWLEDGE ?GENI IS THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF MIC KNOWLEDGE, CREATED BY SCHOLARS LIKE YOU WHO SHARE FACTS AND SIGHT ABOUT THE SONGS AND ARTISTS THEY LOVE.SIGN UPGENI IS THE WORLD’S BIGGT LLECTN OF SONG LYRICS AND MIL KNOWLEDGE
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy? Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals. They change their pronouns, go to school danc wh people of the same genr, and are more likely than any prev generatn to openly intify as gay, lbian, bisexual, transgenr or otherwise queer.

Often, young people don’t intify only one tegory, and thk of them as overlappg: “The majory of my iends and peers are bisexual or pansexual, more than jt straight-up gay or lbian or trans, ” said Jareth Leiker, a high school stunt Portland, Ore. In 2014, the basketball player Jason Colls beme the first openly gay athlete one of the four major North Amerin pro sports leagu, and a year later, Calyn Jenner, the Olympian and Kardashian, me out as transgenr.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

And while both groups reported hearg the words “gay” and “queer” ed negatively at siar rat — a data pot reflected terviews wh teenagers, who say they still hear “that’s so gay” school hallways — the younger graduat were signifintly more likely to hear those words ed a posive light, too.

Four charts showg that more young people today intify as gay, lbian or bisexual; more approve of gay marriage; fewer reported harassment high school; more say their school had a gay-straight alliance.

AM I GAY?

About 70 percent of high school stunts who intify as gay, lbian or bisexual reported persistent sadns, acrdg to recent data om the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn, twice the rate of their heterosexual peers. Ahead of the Internatnal day agast homophobia and transphobia on 17 May, we asked our rears what 's like to be LGBT their than 100 submissns were sent via GuardianWns om all over the world. Even some more nservative regns homosexual act between teenage boys is seen as the 'safer' way of explorg sexualy; so long they get married at their adulthood, no one r 's a closet!

WHAT ’S REALLY LIKE TO GROW UP GAY

Photograph: JOERG CARSTENSEN/EPA Photograph: JOERG CARSTENSEN/EPAPenal § 175, outlawg gay sex, was of urse abolished s ago, we have openly gay foreign misters and other openly lbian and gay policians - and 's been legal now to "marry" your partner by mtg to a civil unn (whout some rights like the right to adoptn as a uple etc. But recent homophobic attacks agast Ban-Württemberg's proposed new school curriculum that clus the teachg of sexual diversy shows there's lots of rentment unr the urse, pared to havg to fear for one's personal safety on a daily basis, thgs Germany are pretty good. And 's not jt annoyg but sad that smaller German towns, gays and lbians are practilly visible and are too aaid to be regnised by neighbours or boss to jo a gay para, if there is one the first place.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

The major opposn to homosexualy (and lbians particular) is not so much that is seen as `wrong` or `sful` - Japan is a very secular untry as a general le- and more that is jt `different`. Northern IrelandI grew up a very homophobic atmosphere Northern Ireland, regular bullyg, homophobic language and vlence and no posive gay role mols, gay life was hidn and not discsed.

My experience is that day to day, and as dividuals most Northern Irish people aren't homophobic anymore but lags behd the rt of the UK laws and the polil culture is far om other parts of the world affected by polil homophobia there is a strong lk to nservative relig groups and tribal policians, who fight any posive move ma for gay people as a way of motivatg their re vot and followers. There is still a very lively gay scene, but when you venture to different bars there are many plac where everyone is mixg, and not even nsirg sexualy as an thg that has advanced life for LGBT people Mexi Cy was the passg of laws to legalise gay marriage.

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.

THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYROSENDALETRACK 5 ON THE STAG OF GRIEF PRODUCED BYROSENDALEJUN. 5, 20201 VIEWER1 CONTRIBUTORTHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY LYRICSWHEN I WAS YOUNG I FELT LONELYI THOUGHT I’D NEVER FD SOMEBODY ELSE LIKE MEIN A PLAYGROUND FULL OF BIG BULLI“YOU SHOULD GO AND HANG OUT WH THE GIRLS” THEY TEASEDLTLE JOK AND SILLY NAMIT’S ALL FUN AND GAMBUT NOW I’M AT THE BAR WH ALL OF MY GOOD MATAND ONE OF THEM ASKS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYSO I SAYPEOPLE STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSAND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ONLY HALF A MANSTRANGERS FLASH YOU CROOKED STHAT’S WHY I DON’T GET OUT FOR MORE THAN JT A WHILEPEOPLE MOCK AND PEOPLE SHAME’CSE THEY THK I’M STRANGEBUT I PICK THE PIEC UP AND JT MOVE ONSOMEHOW I FD THE PATIENCE TO KEEP ME STRONGNOW WHEN I TURN ON THE TVIT’S RABOW CLOUDS AND AND RABOW CROWDS ACROSS THE SCREENBUT I HAVE NEVER FOUND MY PEACEMY HIDN SRS AND TROUBLED HEART TOOK OVER MEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKEYOU DON’T KNOW WHAT FEELS LIKETO CRY OUT YOUR EYAT 4 THE MORNG WHEN NOBODY’S AROUNDAND YOU N FALLY SCREAM OUT LOUD AND PROUD‘CSE PEOPLE STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSAND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ONLY HALF A MANSTRANGERS FLASH YOU JUDGY EYTHAT’S WHY I DON’T GET OUT FOR MORE THAN JT A WHILEWHEN YOU WERE YOUNG YOU MA BIG PLANSBUT THEY THK YOU’RE DAMNEDSO YOU LET THE TOUGH GUYS TROLL, THE HATERS HATE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYYOU MIGHT HAVE CLICKED THIS SONG‘CSE YOU THOUGHT ’D BE HAPPYTHOUGHT YOU’D GET A LGHTHOUGHT ’D BE AMGWELL I’M HERE TO TELL LIKE ISBUT I STILL HOPE AND I STILL PRAYSOMEDAY THGS WILL CHANGETHAT LTLE BOY ALL ALONE ON THE PLAYGROUNDCOULD REALLY CHEER UP IF HE HEARD THIS SONG‘CSE ONE DAYPEOPLE WON’T STARE WHEN YOU’RE HOLDG HANDSTHEY’LL LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU LOVE ANOTHER MANYOU’LL PUT ON YOUR OWN BIG SEAND SPREAD ACROSS THE WORLD FOR A LN YOU’LL HOLD ON TO YOUR BIG PLANSAND YOU’LL UNRSTANDYOU HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEEDTO MAKE A CHANGEAND SHOW THE WHOLE WORLD WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYTHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYOH OH‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYWHAT ’S LIKETHIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE‘CSE THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKEWHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAYEMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUTHAVE THE SI SOP ON THIS SONG?SIGN UP AND DROP SOME KNOWLEDGESTART THE SONG BASK A QUTN ABOUT THIS SONGASK A QUTN *‌WHO PRODUCED “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY” BY ROSENDALE?WHEN DID ROSENDALE RELEASE “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY”?WHO WROTE “THIS IS WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY” BY ROSENDALE?THE STAG OF GRIEF (2021)ROSENDALE1. I GUS ’S NOT YOU2. DID I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH3. BOYS FEEL SAD TOO4. TEARS DON’T LIE5. THIS IS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY6. WEIRD KID7. TWO HEARTS8. GOODBYE, SAN ANCIS9. LAST SONG10. THE NEIGHBORS11. PAPA12. TWO FACED13. OPPOSE SIS14. SHAMPOO15. TELL MYSELF16. NEW NORMAL17. HAPPYCREDSPRODUCED BYROSENDALEWRTEN BYROSENDALERELEASE DATEJUNE 5, 2020TAGSPOPEXPAND COMMENTSADD A MENTSIGN UP AND DROP KNOWLEDGE ?GENI IS THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF MIC KNOWLEDGE, CREATED BY SCHOLARS LIKE YOU WHO SHARE FACTS AND SIGHT ABOUT THE SONGS AND ARTISTS THEY LOVE.SIGN UPGENI IS THE WORLD’S BIGGT LLECTN OF SONG LYRICS AND MIL KNOWLEDGE

Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame.