'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

I had the opportuny to talk wh psychotherapist and thor Michael Dale Kimmel about his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. MOC: Tell me about The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage.

MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively).

” — regard to gay marriage — to be ntroversial. The Gay Man’s Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage dar to ask the qutn: is monogamy or an open relatnship (or a batn of both) the bt way to stcture your marriage? Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and malleable.

MDK: I have been givg workshops on “monogamy or open relatnship” for many years, long before gay marriage was legal.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage? And yet, most gay marriag emulate whout much thought, assumg that ’s the “right” way to be married. As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed.

As gay men, we are ed to fg our own paths and fg our relatnships on our own terms.

And yet, when I work wh young gay (and bi, straight and trans) men, I see a sea change ahead.