How do queer men navigate an stutn not signed for them? Therapist Michael Dale Kimmel offers clu his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. Check out an exclive excerpt below.
Contents:
- THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED
- 10 CéLèBR UPL GAYS QUI N’ONT PAS PR S’AFFICHER
- 10 UPL GAYS EMBLéMATIQU QUI ONT MARQUé L'HISTOIRE S SéRI
- THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
- MEN TOGETHER: UNRSTANDG THE GAY UPLE
- GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG
- HISTORY OF GAY MARRIAGE
- A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.
THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED
* couple gay mythique *
But when I heard people ravg about the show, wrten by Rsell T Davi, I was stck by how many of them admted to knowg ltle about the epimic – and the stctn wreaked among the gay muny. That’s bee, even today's much more acceptg society, the history of the gay and lbian muny is largely a fotten history.
For a long time, the mastream public didn't want to hear our Ca's The Secret Life of Albert Entwistle tells the story of a secretly gay postman searchg for a lost love om his youth (Cred: Headle Review)"I would venture to say that the public were disgted and outraged, " says thor Crystal Jeans. It's about a lonely, socially awkward and secretly gay postman livg a fictnal town the north of England who hs retirement, realisg he wants to turn his life around and fally be happy – but to do this, he needs to fd the love of his life, a man he hasn’t seen for nearly 50 years.
10 CéLèBR UPL GAYS QUI N’ONT PAS PR S’AFFICHER
My novel is ridg on a wave of tert that dat back the UK to 2017 and the 50th anniversary of the begng of crimalisatn of homosexualy. That same year, the so-lled "Alan Turg law" offered pardons to 49, 000 Brish gay men who’d been nvicted of homosexual acts – followg a mpaign arguably bolstered by the greater awarens brought about by The Imatn Game, the h film that picted the nvictn and chemil stratn of the Enigma-breakg puter scientist. Over on Instagram, The Aids Memorial shar photos and stori of people – predomantly gay men – who died of the disease, wrten by those who loved them.
10 UPL GAYS EMBLéMATIQU QUI ONT MARQUé L'HISTOIRE S SéRI
You’d not tch many queer al mers jottg down their memoirs – Crystal JeansHowever, 's fictn that’s very much drivg the phenomenon of brgg "lost" stori of gay life om the past to light. Over the last five years, a tr of Irish wrers have livered stunng gay-themed novels set predomantly perds of history that didn't wele them – John Boyne (The Heart’s Invisible Furi), Graham Norton (Home Stretch), and Sebastian Barry (the Costa Award-wng Days Whout End). In the theatre, Matthew Lopez's exploratn of gay male history The Inherance triumphed London before transferrg to New York, where opened the year after a well-received revival of Mart Crowley's semal 1968 play Boys the Band.
Most recently, the ter explod wh behd-the-scen photos of Harry Styl om the shoot of new film My Policeman, an adaptatn of Bethan Roberts's 2012 novel starrg the pop superstar as a closeted gay man the 1950s. However, as a way of explag the mystery surroundg why Harry left behd everythg he knew, Gale imaged a suatn which he was forced to leave as a rult of a gay affair beg exposed.
Crystal Jeans's latt novel is The Inverts, which tells the story of two bt iends – one a lbian, the other a gay man – who enter to a fake marriage the 1920s. This was another reason I wrote The Secret Life of Albert Entwistle; I wanted to tell the story of one ordary young gay man tryg to exprs his love for another at a time when this would not have been accepted.
THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
But I also wanted to ntrast this disturbg, sometim horrifyg picture wh what life n be like for a gay man wh today’s much more acceptg society the UK – and celebrate how much progrs we’ve ma. My spiratn was a seri of terviews I nducted wh olr gay men whilst I was Edor--Chief of Attu magaze, as part of our celebratn of the 50th anniversary of the start of crimalisatn. Pop star Harry Styl is starrg new film My Policeman as a closeted gay officer the 1950s (Cred: Getty Imag)"What we see all through history is that people are nied their past as part of a way to ntrol them, " says Hornby.
MEN TOGETHER: UNRSTANDG THE GAY UPLE
This faial theory was nsired a fact until Egyptologists the 1990s proposed that they were actually lovers, meang that Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum uld very well be the first gay uple history.
GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG
Still, the general story is about the relatnship between Ort and Pylas, which by the time Hanl wrote his opera versn was nsired homoerotic by 18th-century dienc. Whether or not the story is te is irrelevant; the plot shows a rare stance of Ancient transgenrism and lbianism, pecially given how male homosexual relatnships received signifintly more ntemporary verage than ancient lbians did. For example, an thor who wrote the acunt of Megill, a du named Lucian, also wrote other homoerotic ntent, cludg a vivid scriptn of Megill and Leaena embracg a passnate kiss.
In the book, we'll follow two upl as they explore how to handle the sire for sex outsi their gay upl do want monogamy. Many of my upled gay clients, havg examed tradnal heterosexual marriage-based relatnships, fd them lackg. While this is a ntroversial issue, 's also an opportuny for as married or potentially-married gay men to be social pneers and make our own way.
HISTORY OF GAY MARRIAGE
And I'm not jt talkg about sex my years of workg wh upl, I've noticed that gay upl typilly experience two challeng more tensely than do oppose-sex or lbian upl: petn and nflict.
But, too much petn leads to nflict, and nflict a double ttosterone marriage n easily lead to arguments that late out of ntrol both verbally and the other end of the ttosterone spectm, I've noticed that creasg ttosterone levels are often related to lower levels of sexual satisfactn (and more open relatnships) gay upl their forti and fifti.
A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.
If sex has been a major rnerstone of our marriag/relatnships and we h an age where our sexual sir and libido take a dive, we may hope that openg up our relatnship will be jt the panacea we're lookg be blunt -- ttosterone n make too horny when we're younger (creatg trouble marriag), and too disterted sex when we're marriage has been a long time g -- a few thoand years or so -- and now that 's fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that 's a bad ia to "rock the boat" by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents.
I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and the double ttosterone marriage, "monogamy or open relatnship?