When Your Child Is Gay | Psychology Today

Contents:

• EXPLAG IT TO YOUR KIDS: WHAT DO 'BEG GAY' MEAN?
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• HERE'S A GREAT WAY TO EXPLA WHAT IT MEANS TO BE GAY TO KIDS
• WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY
• GAY
• ARE YOUNGER BROTHERS MORE LIKELY TO BE GAY?
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

EXPLAG IT TO YOUR KIDS: WHAT DO 'BEG GAY' MEAN?

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Effectively, then, the mother's immune system would (sometim) treat certa male protes produced by the fet as a foreign pathogen and attempt to attack , rultg out that uld clu a homosexual orientatn, but also fetal loss if the reactn was strong enough (i. The mothers were then classified further to one of five groups: those wh gay male only-children (n = 8), those wh gay male offsprg that had no olr brothers (n = 23), those wh gay male offsprg wh olr brothers (n = 23), those wh heterosexual male only-children (n = 11), and those wh heterosexual male offsprg wh siblgs (n = 61).

As birth weight tends to crease over succsive pregnanci, the parisons were limed to first live-born sons only (n = 63); this left 4 gay male only-children, 7 gay mal wh no olr brothers, 14 heterosexual mal wh gay younger brothers, 10 heterosexual male only-children, and 28 heterosexual mal wh siblgs. While 's important to not get rried away wh this fdg given the relatively small sample size (I wouldn't put too much stock an N of 8), there is some suggtive evince here worth pursug further that somethg is atypil fetal velopment the se of gay male offsprg. Skorska et al (2016) pos that this might have somethg to do wh some mothers showg a greater immune rponse agast male offsprg, rultg more fetal loss, the rult beg that such mothers are both ls likely to have any children at all and more likely to have gay male children particular.

If mothers of gay men do not tend to have a greater rat of female-to-male offsprg, this would st some doubt on the explanatn (and, sce the only data I've heard reports that gay men tend to have more olr brothers, seems they would have noticed the sister pot by now if existed). On the other hand, if this is a more general immune reactn agast fetal bodi, regardls of their sex, we would not expect such a pattern ( might also predict that mothers takg immunosupprsants would be ls likely to have gay offsprg/misrry, but thgs are unlikely to be that simple owg to the fact that other effects would rult too). A new study nducted by rearchers at Gee Washgton Universy found that most parents of lbian, gay, and bisexual youth have difficulty adjtg after their kids e study says is one of the first to systematilly exame the experience of parents raisg lbian, gay and bisexual children.

HERE'S A GREAT WAY TO EXPLA WHAT IT MEANS TO BE GAY TO KIDS

”The study found that Ain Amerin and Lato parents have a harr time acceptg their lbian, gay and bisexual children, as do the parents of children who e out at a later study, which surveyed a much larger sample size than prev studi, nfirmed smaller studi that showed parents’ negative reactns tend to ease over time; the first two years are the harst for were no signifint differenc reactns between mother and father, the age of the parent, or the genr of the child. But addn, gay and lbian teens often al wh an extra layer of strs — like whether they have to hi who they are, whether they will be harassed about beg gay, or whether they will face stereotyp or judgments if they are hont about who they are. Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002).

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY

As this summary will show, the rults of existg rearch parg lbian and gay parents to heterosexual parents and children of lbian and gay parents to children of heterosexual parents are que clear: Common stereotyp are not supported by the data. The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups. Other cricisms have been that most studi have been based on relatively small sampl, that there have been difficulti wh asssment procr employed some studi, and that the classifitn of parents as lbian, gay, or heterosexual has been problematic.

An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:. The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children. Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980). There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980).

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002).

Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). For example, urts have exprsed fears that children the ctody of gay or lbian parents will be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, will exhib more adjtment difficulti and behavr problems, and will be ls psychologilly healthy than other children.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993). Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Studi of the relatnships wh adults among the children of lbian and gay parents have also rulted a generally posive picture (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Golombok et al., 1983; Harris & Turner, 1985/86; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981; Waright et al., 2004).

Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs. Bee young adolcents are often preoccupied wh their own emergg sexualy, is wily agreed that early adolcence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Penngton, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985). In summary, rearch on diversy among fai wh lbian and gay parents and on the potential effects of such diversy on children is still sparse (Mart, 1993, 1998; Patterson, 1995b, 2000, 2001, 2004; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999).

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY

It is clear that existg rearch provis no basis for believg that children's bt terts are served by fay nflict or secrecy about a parent's lbian or gay inty, or by requirements that a lbian or gay parent mata a hoehold separate om that of a same-sex partner.

Although those om lbian fai were more likely to explore same-sex relatnships, particularly if their childhood fay environment was characterized by an openns and acceptance of lbian and gay relatnships, the large majory of children who grew up lbian fai intified as heterosexual. Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn.

GAY

Four issu equently raised ctody s are discsed: Do gay fathers have children to ver their homosexualy, do they molt their children, do their children turn out to be gay disproportnate numbers, and do havg a gay father expose a child to homophobic harassment. Qutnnair clud: the Nungser Homosexual Attus Inventory, the Ego-Dystonic Homosexualy Sle, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Sle, the Marlowe-Crowne Social Dirabily Sle, the Fay-of-Orig Sle, the Parent-Child Relatns Qutnnaire II, and a mographic sectn. Gay liberatn and fay polics, and the theoretil and empiril work on the hoehold divisn of labor by genr, this qualative analysis of 34 Northern California fai suggts that equable practic-a pattern of equal sharg-among the lbian parents are the norm.

A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships...

The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs.

ARE YOUNGER BROTHERS MORE LIKELY TO BE GAY?

The studi reviewed and the fdgs this chapter ought to be the touchstone of further theory and rearch the study of homosexualy, bee they reprent the most refully signed, reliable, valid, and objective measur of adjtment the armamentarium of the behavral scienc. Although is clear that homosexualy is not and of self related to psychopathology, there are persistent suggtns that the particular strs endured by gay men and lbians, pecially adolcence and young adulthood, may e an upsurge attempted suici and perhaps chemil abe, perhaps temporary or perhaps a segment of homosexuals. The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology.

(From the chapter) social science theory and empiril rearch to scribe and expla psychologil heterosexism the US today / addrs the attudal and belief ponents of psychologil heterosexism, wh special attentn to gnive and motivatnal procs / behavral aspects of psychologil heterosexism-specifilly, acts of vlence agast lbians and gay men-are discsed / the nsequenc of psychologil heterosexism are nsired. Too High a Price: The Case Agast Rtrictg Gay Parentg is a 118-page paperback book that provis a prehensive analysis of legal and policy issu regardg gay parentg, tailg the many rtrictns and bias agast gay parents that ultimately dispt fai and hurt children.

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

(From the chapter) child ctody / sexual orientatn and liftyle on their children / ctodial gay fathers / children's reactns to havg a gay father / social ntrol strategi / boundary ntrol fluencg factors / mutualy / father's reactns / protective strategi / role molg / children's velopment of sexual inty / homonegative reactns of children.

This text featur iativ to improve the procs of clil re for gay and lbian dividuals and their fai, as well as the muny as a whole; mon scenars enuntered clil practice, along wh a discsn of their meang and re; and explic suggtns for child health profsnals to direct efforts to change the ntext of medil tn. Divid to three segments, the book tak an unflchg and entirely new look at motherg: "New Lsons" exam the way which sons of lbians grow up to be different men; "Makg a Fay" looks at fay nstcts and "Facg Loss" reveals the heart-breakg realy that many women have had to nont when their fai were threatened by homophobic urts and tradns. (From the chapter) gay fatherhood has emerged to public awarens and brought qutns / who are gay fathers, and how do they bee parents / what kd of parents do gay men make, and how do their children velop / what special challeng and strs do gay fathers and their children face daily life, and how do they pe wh them / what n acquatance wh gay fathers and their children offer to the unrstandg of parenthood, child velopment, and fay life / although rearch leratur bearg on such qutns are que new and relatively sparse, existg studi addrs some issu raised by the existence of gay fathers.